Meta Platforms Inc. (DOG)
META – Nasdaq
There once was a business named Meta
Whose forecast sure could have been betta
With AI costs rising
It wasn’t surprising
That the stock price was put through the shredda
Southwest Airlines Co. (DOG)
LUV – NYSE
“Boss, where’s de planes?” Shares of Southwest Airlines Co. tumbled after the carrier said it expects just 20 new aircraft deliveries from beleaguered Boeing Co. in 2024, down from a previous estimate of 46 and an original projection of 85 planes. With Boeing’s safety-related production delays forcing Southwest and other airlines to scale back capacity expansion at a time of booming travel demand, “the recent news from Boeing … presents significant challenges for both 2024 and 2025,” Southwest chief executive Bob Jordan said. That would explain why Southwest’s forecast didn’t exactly, um, blow the doors off.
Newmont Corp. (STAR)
NGT – TSX
Getting rich with gold is hard. First, you have to get yourself a pan. Then you have to fly to the Yukon and find a slow-moving stream or river that hasn’t already been picked clean. Then you have to fight off all the bandits with guns trying to take your stash. Forget it! Just sign in to your discount brokerage account and buy a few hundred shares of Newmont Corp. instead. The stock was glittering after the company blew past analysts’ estimates for first-quarter profit, as the world’s biggest gold miner benefited from strong production and surging gold prices. This is where everyone shouts, “Eureka!”
Impinj Inc. (STAR)
PI – Nasdaq
Imagine how much better life would be if you knew where all of your things were at all times. Your “lost” car keys? Oh, they’re wedged between the sofa cushions in your living room. Your car? Oh, it’s in a shipping container that’s just left the Port of Montreal for the Middle East. Thanks to Impinj – which makes tracking chips that connect retail merchandise, automobile parts, luggage and other items to the internet – the days when things got lost or misplaced may be numbered. With Impinj’s first-quarter results and second-quarter outlook topping expectations, investors needed a tracking device just to follow the stock’s massive advance.
Alphabet Inc. (STAR)
GOOGL – Nasdaq
Good news: Alphabet Inc. just declared its first dividend. Bad news: It’s a lousy 20 US cents a share. Despite the puny payout, the shares surged to a record high after Alphabet’s first-quarter revenue rose 15 per cent to US$80.5-billion and earnings soared 57 per cent to US$23.7-billion, fuelled by a sharp rise in ad revenue at Google and YouTube and solid growth in the company’s cloud business. Even as the inaugural dividend amounts to an annual yield of less than 0.5 per cent, Alphabet also authorized the repurchase of up to an additional US$70-billion of its shares. Seriously, though, 20 US cents? You’re going to make me dig into my savings just to buy a stupid gumball?
John Heinzl